Overcoming fear of using toilet

Charmaine here from your Queensland class on Friday, I just wanted to let you know the most amazing thing. Friday night when I came home I typed up the new poo statement for Ethan and sleeptalk Friday night was the new version.

Saturday afternoon my husband called to say that Ethan had taken himself off to the toilet and then started calling Daddy Daddy Daddy Mark when in there to see what was wrong and Ethan said “Look Dad I did a big poo in the toilet” and sure enough he had pooed in the toilet for only the 3rd time in his life, he then wouldn’t flush it cause he wanted me to see it, so mark had to take a photo of it and send it to me!!!

I am totally blown away that of only 1 night of the new Goulding Process – SleepTalk® statement he went and did a poo!!!!! Totally amazing, totally blown away on every level, I know The Process is Sleeptalk is strong but after only one night after 2 years of trying to get him to sit on the toilet after all the Dr’s appointment, Paediatricians, Gastro Paediatricians and Occupational Therapist, one night of new statement and bang done.  He since has also pooed on the toilet today we think but said he flushed so will continue to monitor the progress and let you know.

Thank you so much Joane for all your help on Friday to figure this out I cannot thank you enough for this amazing system, I feel very lucky to be learning this powerful work to help so many other kids just like Ethan.  Lots of hugs

June 2013 – Queensland – Charmaine Eykenboom.XXX

Toilet issues

Amazing after one week

After a week I saw results. ‘C’ had begun a fear of going to the toilet for his bowel movement. He used to hold on with all of his body, shaking and on holiday was pressing his face on the patio window to stop it coming out. He held on for weeks and would scream when ever I tried to help him- he was absolutely terrified!!!

He ended under a paediatric consultant as it was affecting his health and he was in extreme pain. He was put on medication but still was terrified as if it was becoming worse. He started school and was having a lot of accidents and he couldn’t socialise and would not play as was stood in a corner holding on. He couldn’t go swimming or play football – this fear was taking over his life.

I then alongside his medication started SleepTalk. I had already tried reasoning with him, comforting him reading books about toileting and playing with toys about toilet and reward systems. The nurse said I had tried everything possible.

Within a week of using the The Goulding Process – SleepTalk  ‘C’ was letting go, using his potty and was not scared. He now after about six weeks is going to the toilet himself and does it all alone and is no longer scared at all. He uses public toilets and school toilets without any fear- how amazing!

I thought this nightmare was never going to end and I still continue to do the foundation stage every evening. In fact with ‘C’ there was no need to go beyond this stage. He can now have a childhood like any other child enjoying socialising and going to school. What a miracle!!!!

Parent of two children – Stockport. UK 2013


No more dirty underwear  

Consultants Comments: “Very positive feedback again, the parents are satisfied. All marks of ‘I’ are in the positive range now, he has stopped pooping in his underwear for two weeks and shows further improvements. He is more self-confidence, stable feelings, great eating habits and he can handle his emotions better.

‘I’ has moved from a problematic and annoying behaviour pattern to a much more sociable, more well balanced state in general, with a lot of good feedback from the elementary school teachers and the parents as well.

Parents are calm now, less stress at home. The process has changed their attitudes too to ‘I’. He is more open, he is able to communicate his feelings.  His parents feel really close to him and ‘I’ is a very happy, well balanced boy. The stress about pooping in the underwear is over. No problem in kindergarten, no problem at home.”

Accredited Consultant and Trainer: Marianne Lampert. Hungary 2014


Dealing with all issues

“Parents are over the moon with the results, in the last couple of weeks ‘B’ has only soiled him-self a few times and has started asking them if he should go to the toilet. He has shown improvements in basically every area of life.

 Some of the most significant improvements are in the areas of his eating habits, ability to deal with group pressure, ability to deal with issues and anger. His self-esteem has improved; he is much more confident and no longer hates school.

They are very happy with the result and if things continue the way they are they have resolved what initially brought them to me.”

Accredited Consultant – GT – Qld 2018

Fear of Doing Poo

Hi Natalie, thank you so much for introducing me to SleepTalk®. Since I have used it I have transitioned my son ‘R’ back to a happier disposition in life. Thank you so much Natalie for helping me through this.

I have been using SleepTalk® for approximately 6 months and the best thing that we have achieved is overcoming ‘R’s fear to go to the toilet and doing no. twos. ‘R’ had developed anxiety due to being constipated.  His two occasions that were on the toilet was a straining two moments and thus ‘R’ linked the toilet to being constipated and feared it greatly.   Conclusively, ‘R’s character, being stubborn plus the immaturity and lack of trust in his own body inhibited him from overcoming his fear.  The somewhat progressive tasks of transitioning from nappies to the toilet become a tedious, frustrating and stressful family issue.

After many frustrating battles with no result I took ‘R’ to Conquip, a incontinence school and had him regularly taking laxatives. He still continued to be fearful of sitting on the toilet especially when knowing there was business waiting to be done.   I took him back to Conquip to be told to increase his laxative.   A month prior to his second visit I had started SleepTalk® but my nurse at Conquip had asked me to focus on getting ‘R’ out of nappies at night time.   I tried this for 2 weeks but ‘R’ developed such a bad rash that I decided to refocus back to toilet training for no. twos (‘R’ is trained to go to the toilet for wees but still wears nappies at night time).

We had changed the SleepTalk® statements to cater for ‘R’ to stay dry at night, therefore when the focus was changed naturally I had to change the SleepTalk® suggestions back to going to the toilet to do no. twos. We did this for three months and then on one weekend when I increased the laxative dose, I placed ‘R’ on the toilet and used all of my encouraging phrases. I also told him that we would have a party with balloons if he did a poo that night and I added in a threat (in a nice voice) saying if he didn’t do it then I would find a pillow for him to stay the night.

‘R’ called me to the toilet once, then twice with no result. The second time he wanted his balloons and I said that they would come once he had done the poo. A third time he called me and this time he had eventually done the business in toilet.   I was amazed, happy, relieved and hopeful that this would be the start to the end of this issue.   He did no. twos three nights in a row then he had a night off, then back on and off.   He now uses the toilet with ease although still with some prompting, although we have now incorporated the toilet time as part of his night time ritual for getting ready for bed.  It is becoming easier and easier and he is always very proud when he has finished his business.

The phrase I used on ‘R’ was the opening phrase, then the phrase ‘You know you can, you will do poos on the toilet. You are so brave.’ I repeated this five times, and then I finished with my closing statement. I do believe that by telling him that he will be able to do poos on the toilet and adding that he is brave actually helped him overcome his fear.  Additionally I read him books which centred around being brave and I dropped that word ‘brave’ occasionally in discussion especially leading up to toileting time.

Although it took much time, a lot of frustrating toileting moments with no results and a lot of customised settings to make it all happen I do know that SleepTalk® plays a big part of its success and additionally has emotionally instilled mental strength within my sons’ mind. ‘R’ has become much more content with family life, adjusting to becoming a big brother and displaying more resilience. (‘R’ had developed an attitude as a consequence of losing the focus from being the single child as well as some additional changes in life.) He now displays a marked degree in maturity and more courage in getting through daily tasks he once feared such as going to the toilet in the dark and having his hair washed. There are still many areas of growth to press on and I am still using SleepTalk® to build on these, for a mentally healthier and emotionally more balanced life in ‘R’s life.

Natalie Dwyer:  Accredited Consultant – 2011

Toileting, Anxiety, Sibling Rivalry Issues

Presenting Situation.
“Jan 5th 2011 – ‘N’ is an 8 year old girl presenting with bedwetting and faecal enuresis. Her parents have tried “everything” in the past and she has been undergoing counselling in the past year.  Though a very bright child, N’s parents report extreme anxiety and difficult behaviours, notably a troubled relationship with her 10 year old sister.”

Foundation process
“N saw enormous changes in a very short time frame, on commencing SleepTalk®. Though in the past she had been afraid to go anywhere on her own and would struggle to deal with anger and anxiety – mostly resulting in “melt downs”, within the first three weeks, ‘N’ had showed a significant turnaround.

N’s parents reported a number of changes after three weeks.
More able to talk through concerns calmly without melt downs.
Walked to the shops and scouts on her own.
Asked to go to school camp.
Had the first dry nights of her life.
Stopped hiding (and lying about) soiled pants and stopped soiling.
Happy to talk on the phone to people.

Parents report enormous positive feedback! And these are just some of the main examples. Even with such positive changes and feedback, ‘N’s parents expressed there was still some way to go with N’s ability to deal with anger, with her self-esteem and they expressed significant concern over N’s continued troubled relationship with her elder sister.

We chose to keep the ‘Foundation’ statements for some weeks longer and added in the sibling support statement, suspecting that the sibling relationship is potentially the prime area of pain and anxiety for ‘N’.”

Follow up
“On contacting ‘N’s parents three weeks later, I was informed that almost instantly after adding in the sibling support statement, ‘N’ regressed. She began (and continued to) soiling and bedwetting again and was less cooperative.  We chose to continue but not change the statements whilst ‘N’ was unsettled – and two weeks later the parents reported seeing slow improvement. She is very cognitive about the issue now too – shows a real willingness to beat the issue and a desire to be clean. She is well on her way to conquering her toileting troubles!”

“This continues to be a very interesting case to work with. ‘N’ had an extreme abreaction to the addition of a sibling support statement. This fits with the parent’s information given about the troubled sibling relationship and appears to be a deep source of anxiety and stress for ’N’. It seems that, upon adding that her sister loves her, her brain was not able to neither compute this nor take it on as truth easily. A month on and she is showing marked improvement but still has some way to go. Her parents remarked: “Thank God for SleepTalk®!” and are very grateful for the obvious effect it has had in their lives. I am grateful for their willingness to stick to the program with patience, noting that it is not a quick fix for their daughter but is slowly working love through the deepest parts of her doubts and fears. What a wonderful thing to watch.”

Up Date: 20 April 2011
“The mum just emailed me to let me know that it has finally turned a corner! Toileting issues have been under total control for a week now (and most of last week) and she is a “happy little girl”. Mostly holidays are bad for her – I guess, having her sister around with her full time – but they have been coasting through that alright too.  Great news to hear…just thought I’d let you know!”

SW – Consultant.

Scared of Pooing

“3 yr. boy was only pooing in his nappy, was going to the toilet for wee, but would hold on to poo and cause constipation, until he had a nappy on.  He would say he was scared to poo in potty or toilet.  He was also scared to go to bed, would have night mares and did not like going to kinder.

A few weeks later the mum reported that for the last two nights her son is now asking for the toilet to poo and is no longer scared and overall there has been a significant improvement.  No nightmares and he is no longer scared to go to bed or sleep in his own bed now. Mum has been doing SleepTalk® ‘Foundation’ statements for 7 nights a week, missing only 3 nights out of the past 6 weeks. She reports that her son stated that fairies come and talk to him in his sleep.

2 months later, Mum said that he has improved in all areas of concern.  Is happy to go to crèche, asking if today is crèche day.  Pooing in the toilet now all the time. He has now turned 4, and 1 week prior to his 4th birthday he decided that when he was 4 he would not wear nappies any more even at night, so  mum  include a supporting statement into the process.  From the day he turned 4, he is no longer in nappies, wakes at night for the toilet and goes back to bed.  Mum loves the process.”

Rebecca McLennan – Victoria Consultant


Feedback received: ‘L’ is a little boy 3 years of age, he is angry and has problems with toilet issues eg: Pooing. He doesn’t share his toys with other children and although he loves his older sister he remains jealous. ‘L’ grandmother humiliated him the least time he pooped in his pants, and since then he says he is disgusting. He also has some problems with co-ordination. After the 1st Phase – he asks to go to toilet but sometimes he’s still pooing in his pants. He’s still having problems with co-ordination but he has no more temper tantrums.  

The suggestions chosen for the 2nd Phase has improved his co-ordination and movements.

Accredited Consultant: Rose-Marie Mauron – Genève   

Tantrums / Bullying / Sibling Rivalry / Speech / Anxiety / Pooing Issues / Refusing Food

B was almost 3 at the time that her Mum commenced Sleeptalk ® with her. B has a new baby sister, E two months old. Mum says that B is a confident, interested and energetic child. B is a “strong-willed” child, who likes to do “her own thing”. However, B doesn’t always listen to or follow Mum’s directions, or cooperate with Mum, eg holding hands when in the carpark for safety, which concerned Mum. To get Mum’s attention, B often pushes other children at crèche, pokes her sister or pulls on her arm (daily) or will cry. Mum noted a there was a bit of sibling rivalry going on. B will hit her head on the floor or walls at times, throwing tantrums. When things don’t go right or when she wants her own way, Mum says that B overacts.

B speech had been assessed and found to be 6 months behind her age appropriate development (ie limited vocabulary, enunciation concerns, not speaking clearly enough to be understood, etc). As a result she visits a Speech Therapist regularly. B responds well to routine, eg bed-time which has a pre-warning beforehand and a bed-time story which works well Mum says. Although B sleeps through the night, she usually takes sometime to settle initially. B reacts strongly towards specific things and will cry straight away. For instance, at the sight of the vacuum cleaner she will immediately start crying and run to her room or when shown Tigger (the toy tiger) which when wound up will bounce and jump around. B likes and wants order Mum says, eg the doll has to have her hat off. Although previously toilet trained, B had fissures now, so was reluctant to do ‘poos’ (often holding on for some days before going), or go to the toilet to do ‘poos’ due to the pain involved. While Mum has sought medical advice and treatment, she says that B goes and puts on a ‘pull-up’ herself to do ‘poos’ in, rather than going in the toilet.
While Mum said that she would commit to this process, she nevertheless said on parting that “We’ll see if it works”, which l found interesting.

SleepTalk ® Foundation Process commenced.
Spoke with Mum a couple of days after our first meeting and she said that she felt confident giving the SleepTalk ® process. Sent sms after two weeks; all going well Mum reported.

Four weeks into the SleepTalk ® process, spoke with Mum on the phone to arrange our next meeting. Mum said that she had been able to do SleepTalk ® each night, only missing a couple of nights. Mum said that B was more calm and cooperative now, even stopping, looking and listening to Mum at times which didn’t happen before. B had even begun to hold Mum’s hand in the carpark, which Mum was very pleased about.

Second meeting with Mum
A number of substantial improvements in B’s development and behaviour were recognised and noted during this meeting; most with an increase of 10-15%. In reflection and comparison, Mum was able to identify that B had become calmer, more cooperative and focused, and her speech had improved. This was also noted by the Speech Therapist, two weeks earlier (who is interested in finding out more about SleepTalk ®). Mum said that now B was more focused in her play and activities, instead of having ‘excess’ energy as previously, eg not swinging from the curtains as much. B was now more placid, more affectionate, giving more cuddles, especially in the mornings. B was more sharing and caring of her baby sister, saying ‘gentle’ when touching the baby which was welcomed by Mum. Her speech had improved greatly, with B saying new words, more sentences, making more sense in her communication, reciting songs and speaking more clearly. Whereas previously B refused to even try any new foods at all, she was now more willing to even put these foods to her lips and taste them. Increased interest in sharing books with her Mum and letting her Mum read to her and talking with her about books through the day had occurred.

B was playing, sharing and dealing with other kids at crèche better, with less aggression – not snatching toys from them or hitting them as much. B was communication with other children had improved and was verbalizing more. Her concentration on one activity was lasting a lot longer, being more attentive and focused. While her imagination and creativity had become greater, making up games with play dough, wearing objects as ‘crowns’, making up songs.

B’s behaviour at home and in public had become less demonstrative, by compiling with and following Mum’s directions more (eg holding hands in the carpark, packing up toys when asked), with the head banging/throwing tantrums occurring only occasionally. Mum believed as she had put more boundaries in place and B was listening more, she could reason with B and explain consequences to her. Because of this, B was following through more positively rather than reacting negatively by screaming, throwing tantrums, etc. B was not being sent to her room as much for time out. Rather than becoming frustrated quickly with things, B had become calmer with everyday activities, such as tying shoe laces, or when a puzzle piece was missing or didn’t fit.

Mum believed that B’s level of anxiety had reduced (eg trying to eat more things, more willing to do things, calmer, etc); she could even touch the vacuum cleaner now after it was turned off. However she still reacted by yelling “NO” when Tigger appeared. Greater self-help skills by B were recognised by Mum, with B washing her hands after toileting and when appropriate, packing up toys and putting away, cooperating more with less resistance and fighting. While B still wanted to wear pull-ups for ‘poos’, she had started to go to the toilet by herself without being taken by her Mum. Although Dad is not taking part in the nightly SleepTalk ® process, he can see a difference in B’s behaviour Mum said.

Choosing the Primary Area of Need

In determining B’s Primary Area of Need, two priorities were selected by Mum: toileting and speech. Mum is very concerned and anxious, wanting to do all she can to help with B’s speech development, which had improved the Speech Therapist had told her. However, of the two areas, Mum wanted B to be able to go to the toilet to do ‘poos’, without holding on or thinking that it would still be painful. Mum felt that her daughter was becoming constipated regularly because of this which also worried Mum. A specific statement “You can do ‘poos’ in the toilet easily – its OK”, was agreed upon and a follow up appointment made for 6 weeks’ time.

Toilet training, pooing anxiety

we hope this helps other parents…

We first started to toilet train our son when he was about 2 and then felt he wasn’t quite ready so we backed off.

Our daughter was born when he was 2years and 2months old. This probably took our focus away from the situation for a few months and then by the time we got back to it there were noticeable issues.

He had started to want to wee without a nappy, but we couldn’t get him to use the toilet.  He would always want to go outside.  He started a day a week at family day-care, of which he loved.  He felt it was his special treat to go and play with 3 other boys his age. Only one of which was fully toilet trained.  He started insisting at this point that he wear undies during the day because he was a big boy.  However he never once used the toilet at the family day care and wouldn’t even go outside.  So he would hold on from 9am until 4pm.

We were advised by our Family Health Nurse to go an see a Continence Clinic, which we did.  We moved house not long after which was probably unsettling and the toilet fan was loud and noisy so we detached it and stuck his drawings on the wall, started a reward chart, showed him a DVD which the continence clinic sold us on using the toilet to poo and wee. After lots of hard work we managed to get him to use our toilet and stop going outside, but he was still reluctant to use other toilets.  He would use his nanna and pops toilet and a few others but that was it.

Being a very private little boy, he never once used the toilet at 3 year old and 4 year old kinder that I have noticed.  And to this day after 1st term of school has not used the school toilets either, according to his teacher. His excuse is that they are too noisy and busy and therefore he can’t go.

It was at the age of 3.5years when we managed to get him to wee on a toilet, and this is when the poo problems became very evident and habitual.

He was not wearing nappies at all, not even at night, except when he needed to do a poo.  The continence clinic had suggested we let him use a nappy and sit on the toilet to poo and then gradually limit the use of the nappy. But he was absolutely frantic at any effort to remove the nappy, to the point of traumatic for all involved so we just let this process unfold of him asking for a nappy and therefore he would go to the toilet and do his business and then call out to have it cleaned up and off he would go.

We tried not buying nappies but he would hold on for days until we felt bad enough to give in and relieve his pressure.   This has gone on for years.  We discovered Joane and SLeepTalk® in June 2009 and since then have been using SleepTalk® .  We felt that over the years we had done and said some terribly hurtful things to him in order just to try something, anything! to snap him out of it.  We had spoken so much about it to him that he had switched off and would completely ignore us and change the topic, diverting attention away from the subject.  So SLeepTalk® was the answer.  In the last 10 days he, on his own has decided to stop using nappies.  We were using ‘You can, will and are pooing on the toilet, it’s safe, it’s ok’.

Unfortunately that meant that he also decided he would stop pooing too.  He went 7 days with holding on and in a lot of pain.  After 2 trips to the doctor, a suppository and lots of accidents in his undies, he has finally realised that his body needs to poo and he can’t go on like this.  We changed his SLeepTalk® to ‘you are safe, it’s ok to sit on the toilet’ and the next morning he woke up and said to my husband I need to do a poo, and he went and did one without any fuss.  We are still battling it out gradually but we think that SleepTalk® has finally paid off and we are very grateful.  Thank you Joane.

From two very grateful and relieved parents.