SleepTalk Consultants

Temper Tantrums

The SleepTalk® process has been given me amazing responses and I keep on helping mothers around! The change in ‘L’ has been seen in his behavior 360 degree and not only , the health related issues has been improved a lot and I can tell you that I am very very pleased and feel accomplished . Thanks million for everything you thought me, happy to meet and learn from you in person, you are such an inspiration!!!

Accredited Consultant – Dubai 2015 – Amalia Paraschiv


Anger, tantrums

Mum of two talks about how The Goulding Process helped her two children.

Audio only.


Tantrums, Self-confidence, Sibling rivalry, Education

A is a 5 year old boy who lives with his Mum and Dad and his little sister aged 2. Both parents were in a loving relationship and both keen to do the SleepTalk® technique together with both their children.

The initial reasons for A’s Mum wanting to use the SleepTalk method were to help him establish more self-confidence and assurance. Mum also noted that A was a premature baby and she said that she had experienced a few challenges along the way with A’s health due to this early birth.

17 August 2011

I met with both parents in August 2011. At this time A was described as a very intelligent, imaginative boy who knew just how to get his Mum’s attention through what was described as a “whiney voice”.

Mum commented how A could attempt to be very controlling when she was talking with other adults and didn’t want to “share his mum”. He would scream and go into ‘melt downs’ and this was often worse when A didn’t know people that well and felt uncomfortable in new surroundings. This was described to me as “clingy behaviour”.

Both Mum and Dad very loving parents who often spent much time with both children in the day time, but there was obviously some underlying belief that A had, and this was leading him to feel uncomfortable in new situations and only secure when with parents. At the time A was resistant in learning things himself, not keen to try new classes, and commented that he was most happy when “at home with Mummy and Daddy”.

The other thing that Mum and Dad wanted assistance with was to get to the core reason for A’s fussy eating, as he would often seek attention at meal times and both parents felt that there was a lot of fuss around eating.  I left both parents with the SleepTalk® folder and they were confident with the process and how to apply it at bedtime.

13 October 2011

I met with A’s parents for the second time after they had been saying the ‘Foundation’ SleepTalk® suggestions to A for approximately 8 weeks. Mum said that A seemed “more level” now with his confidence and emotions. He was “snapping out of his whiney voice” much quicker and “able to control his emotions a lot better”.  He seemed to be calmer and less anxious and “more comfortable in his own skin”, parents said.    It was noted that A was more confident without parents and not as “needy” in new situations.

Dad said that he was delighted when he took A to a friend’s party on his own as Mum was away that weekend and A just ran off and played. Dad said that he was convinced that when they got there A would be clingy and yet when he turned around he had run off to play!  You could see how pleased Dad was with this change in a matter of 7 weeks!

The one thing that still stood out was that A was still coming in to his parent’s bed at approx 12 am and lying right next to them indicating a need to be near his parents still. This was after he had wet his pull ups. So he would wee in his pull ups and then go to parent’s bed and get in with them. So together we looked for a suitable support statement to add to the Foundation words.

21 November 2011

I met with A’s parents again approx 5 weeks later. A had dry pull ups at bedtime within a week!  Within one week A was getting up to go to the toilet himself and going back to his own bed where before he was going to his parents bed and getting in with them.

A was then going to his parents bed at approx 5 am and Dad said that he was more “calm and cuddly when getting in the bed rather than in a needy way”.

Both parents said that they didn’t feel that this was an issue now with A coming in at that time as it was nearly time to awaken for the day, so we didn’t address this any further and agreed that he would most probably grow out of this and when he got his new bed.

Mum said that A was now eating a better quantity of food and not fighting as much at meal times which could also have been due to the fact A was now taking quality Vitamin B tablets for children. Due to the sibling rivalry suggestions of the SleepTalk®, A was now saying that he loved his sister in the day time to her – so verbalising his feelings more freely and more understanding with his younger sister.

Parents noticed an improvement with his writing and school reported an improvement with his concentration in his work. Again, following a family weekend away, parents noticed that A was becoming more and more confident in unusual and new situations. He was now getting more sleep due to staying in his own bed longer at night time and was more settled therefore sleeping for longer periods of time.

Mum mentioned that whenever A showed a sign of anxiety which was rare these days, she would say some of the SleepTalk® words to him in a loving manner and his “shoulders would just drop and he would become more relaxed”.  Increased cooperation meant that A was now more understanding of what his parents were saying to him and so he now listened when they were explaining things to him and he was more cooperative.

Summary

In summary there were notable improvements in sleep, bedwetting, eating, self security, confidence and self esteem, general well-being, communication, studies, and communication and relationships with parents within 3 months.

Both parents remained fully committed to the program throughout the whole 3 months, alternating the evenings that they said the words to their child and used some of the positive wording in the daytime to gain optimal benefits for their child.

2012 – Jenny Harris – UK – SleepTalk consultant.


Self-confidence and assurance

A is a 5 year old boy who lives with his Mum and Dad and his little sister aged 2.

Both parents were in a loving relationship and both keen to do the SleepTalk technique together with both their children.

The initial reasons for A’s Mum wanting to use the SleepTalk method were to help him establish more self-confidence and assurance. Mum also noted that A was a premature baby and she said that she had experienced a few challenges along the way with A’s health due to this early birth.

17th August 2011

I met with both parents in August 2011. At this time A was described as a very intelligent, imaginative boy who knew just how to get his Mum’s attention through what was described as a “whiney voice”.

Mum commented how A could attempt to be very controlling when she was talking with other adults and didn’t want to “share his mum”. He would scream and go into melt downs and this was often worse when A didn’t know people that well and felt uncomfortable in new surroundings. This was described to me as “clingy behaviour”.

Both Mum and Dad were very loving parents who often spent much time with both children in the day time but there was obviously some underlying belief that A had that was leading to him to feel uncomfortable in new situations and only secure when with parents.

At the time A was resistant in learning things himself, not keen to try new classes, and commented that he was most happy when “at home with Mummy and Daddy”.

The other thing that Mum and Dad wanted help with was to get to the core reason for A’s fussy eating as he would often seek attention at meal times and both parents felt that there was a lot of fuss around eating.

I left both parents with the SleepTalk folder and they were confident with the process and how to apply it at bedtime.

13th October 2011

I met with A’s parents for the second time after they had been saying the Foundation Stage SleepTalk words to A for approx 8 weeks time.

Mum said that A seemed more level now with his confidence and emotions. He was “snapping out of his whiney voice” much quicker and “able to control his emotions a lot better”.

A seemed to be calmer and less anxious and “more comfortable in his own skin”, parents said.

It was noted that A was more confident without parents and not as “needy” in new situations.

Dad said that he was delighted when he took A to a friend’s party on his own as Mum was away that weekend and A just ran off and played. Dad said that he was convinced that when they got there A would be clingy and yet when he turned round he had run off to play!

You could see how pleased Dad was with this change in a matter of 7 weeks!

The one thing that still stood out was that A was still coming in to his parent’s bed at approx 12 am and lying right next to them indicating a need to be near his parents still. This was after he had wet his pull ups. So he would wee in his pull ups and then go to parent’s bed and get in with them.

So together we looked for a suitable support statement to add to the Foundation words.

21 st November 2011

I met with A’s parents again approx 5 weeks later.

A had dry pull ups at bedtime within a week! Within one week A was getting up to go to the toilet himself and going back to his own bed where before he was going to his parents bed and getting in with them.

A was then going to his parents bed at approx 5 am and Dad said that he was more “calm and cuddly when getting in the bed rather than in a needy way”.

Both parents said that they didn’t feel that this was an issue now with A coming in at that time as it was nearly time to awaken for the day so we didn’t address this any further and agreed that he would most probably grow out of this and when he got his new bed.

Mum said that A was now eating a better quantity of food and not fighting as much at meal times which could also have been due to the fact A was now taking quality Vitamin B tablets for children.

Due to the sibling part of the SleepTalk, A was now saying that he loved his sister in the day time to her- so verbalising his feelings more freely and more understanding with his younger sister.

Parents noticed an improvement with his writing and school reported an improvement with his concentration in his work.

Again, following a family weekend away, parents noticed that A was becoming more and more confident in unusual and new situations.

A was now getting more sleep due to staying in his own bed longer at night time and was more settled therefore sleeping for longer periods of time.

Mum mentioned that whenever A showed a sign of anxiety which was rare these days, she would say some of the SleepTalk words to him in a loving manner and his “shoulders would just drop and he would become more relaxed”.

Increased cooperation meant that A was now more understanding of what his parents were saying to him and so he now listened when they were explaining things to him and he was more cooperative.

Summary

In summary there were notable improvements in sleep, bedwetting, eating, self security, confidence and self esteem, general wellbeing, communication, studies, and communication and relationships with parents within 3 months.

Both parents remained fully committed to the program throughout the whole 3 months, alternating the evenings that they said the words to their child and used some of the positive wording in the daytime to gain optimal benefits for their child.

 

2012 – Jenny Harris – UK – SleepTalk consultant.


Tantrums

Parent Feedback:  “I was just talking in the staff room yesterday about SleepTalk®.  People seem to always think it is for children with sleeping problems!  Anyway, I just wanted to say that since starting SleepTalk® the whole family has noticed an improvement in my son’s behaviour.   It is hard to believe that with so little time and effort our daily lives have improved so much.   He is a much calmer boy now and has fewer tantrums; in fact it is now a rare occurrence that we have to send him to his room for time out (it used to be a couple of times a day at weekends).  It is also a lovely time for me to go into his room at night and whisper to him  and it is a nice end to the day regardless of it being a good day or not.  He is definitely waking up ‘bright and happy’ these days – we love it!”  Consultant:  Jenny Harrison – UK


Tantrums / Sibling rivalry / Bed Wetting / Speech /Anger / Confidence & Co-operation

B was 6 years old when Mum commenced SleepTalk® with him. Mum says that B is quite a sensitive boy who relates to nature and enjoys learning about and exploring nature. His older brother J was 16 years old and younger brother A was 2.5 years old at the time. Mum was very interested and motivated to be involved with SleepTalk ® For Children. Mum had concerns with B with several areas; the most prominent being his behaviour, which was often explosive, with yelling, screaming, swearing, kicking and throwing things, and tantrums. B wouldn’t cooperate with Mum when asked to do things (eg packing up the toys before dinner) and became very angry and aggressive quickly. Although B tended to play separately from others, often annoyed his younger brother A, consistently arguing/fighting with him. His older brother didn’t want to play with, B or let B come into his room, and has no patience for him Mum said. B had delayed speech development, which primarily involved enunciation (eg of sounds –  c, f, s, sh, ch), sentence structure, grammar selection (eg l/He/She…. am/was/are). This negatively impacted on B’s communication with others – who often had difficulty understanding what he was trying to say.
B became anxious with changes and new people in his life, sometimes ‘over-reacting’ to these situations, by either crying or becoming overly excited. Although toilet trained now, Mum said that B had no interest in going to the toilet by himself, so at 4 years of age she “really had to make him.” However he was still wearing night nappies (bed wetting).

Mum said that she would also give SleepTalk to A her 2 yo son as well, as he was copying B’s negative behaviour. Spoke with Mum next day who said she felt a bit nervous when giving SleepTalk ® but it all went well.

SleepTalk ® Foundation Process commenced.
Only a week later, Mum was amazed to hear A repeating the script word for word to them (on Mother’s Day!). Within two weeks she could already see some improvement in B’s behaviour, with the aggressive outbursts becoming less frequent each day and B becoming a bit calmer at home. B was listening to her more, and had even stopped and looked at her while she was asking him to pack up the toys one day, which he had never done before. Mum was so amazed that she quickly gave him a cuddle and told him how good he was! Both boys had become more affectionate towards Mum, coming up for no reason and giving her a cuddle, which she loved of course! They were being more affectionate towards dad also.

After the first month of SleepTalk, Mum was very happy to share how much B’s behaviour had improved and the positive effect it had on the whole family – even his older brother had said at the dinner table one night, “I don’t recognise B anymore.” A family day trip which involved quite a bit of driving had been successful Mum reported, without the three boys on the back seat fighting once – “that’s never happened before!”

Second Meeting With Mum.
Vast improvements concerning B’s level of behaviour, confidence, anxiety and happiness were highlighted by Mum who was so happy with the progress that B had made in the previous two months. Generally B remained calm and was dealing with things, with his aggression and anger occurring much less frequently. However these aggressive episodes were more apparent during the previous month when B was suffering from an ear infection. Mum found his behaviour had become more ‘challenging’ again through this time, after being more settled. She was thankful for SleepTalk, to be able to tell him that she loved him when he was quiet at night – and get her through the difficult and stressful times of coping with B’s behaviour each day.

How much B’s level of self confidence and self-esteem had improved became more apparent for Mum when she explained what B was now doing at home. B was cooperating more with Mum, packing up the toys for dinner when asked, often doing so without being asked! Mum said that B wanted to help around the house more, offering to chop up things for meals, setting the table, even got the baked beans out for himself to eat, opened the lid, put them in a saucepan, turned on the hotplate and heated them up – all independently and at 6yo! B had even chosen a new job for himself to do each morning – packing the dried dishes away in the cupboard, and supervised his little brother A to put away the cutlery. He was also sharing and helping his younger brother, playing positively with his older brother who now wanted B’s company and better behaved when in the supermarket. Mum even took the boys on a bus trip to the shops which she said she never would have attempted with B previously due to his behaviour. Mum said that B was more consistent in his behaviour, she could reason with him now and he was more thoughtful and helpful to others.

While B’s behaviour outside the home was not “as silly as before”, being better behaved, he still tended to act silly, as though attention seeking from his friends. Mum said he was never invited to play at his friend’s homes and she thought maybe this could be the reason from their mothers. B’s level of anxiety had reduced when car pooling as he acted calmer, not appearing to be upset by other children’s comments when they couldn’t understand what he was saying. Although Mum was!  B’s sleeping pattern had improved and now went to bed easier when asked, and straight to sleep; sleeping through the night, instead of being awake for quite sometime as previously. However he was still bed wetting.

Mum reported that B was not only more affectionate, but his cuddles, hugs and words of affection were more meaningful and heartfelt. How lovely!

Although Dad had not been taking part in the nightly SleepTalk ® process, he often came to watch and listen to Mum from the doorway of B’s bedroom. He had recognised B’s improved behaviour and level of affection and seemed to be more willing to do things with the boys, eg taking them fishing with him.

Choosing the Primary Area of Need
Three areas of need for B were identified by Mum – his speech, behaviour and toileting (bed wetting). Even though she felt his communication with others, together with his self-confidence, would benefit from improved speech, she explained that as his younger brother had begun to have dry nights and didn’t want to wear night nappies, she believed this was of more importance for B. Whereas before, B was not concerned about wearing a night nappy, she felt that now he wanted not to wet his nappy each night. After discussing what the possible reason/s maybe concerning why B had bed wetting, eg medical, fears, authority figure/s, a specific statement was chosen as the support statement.

By advising Mum that with Dad’s involvement in giving SleepTalk ® to B, not only will it help to accelerate the process, but it will help him with his bed wetting problem.

After only five nights of giving the supporting statement, Mum sms to say that B had his first dry night! Mum was so excited for her son, as well B also – me too!


Tantrums / Bullying / Sibling Rivalry / Speech / Anxiety / Pooing Issues / Refusing Food

B was almost 3 at the time that her Mum commenced Sleeptalk ® with her. B has a new baby sister, E two months old. Mum says that B is a confident, interested and energetic child. B is a “strong-willed” child, who likes to do “her own thing”. However, B doesn’t always listen to or follow Mum’s directions, or cooperate with Mum, eg holding hands when in the carpark for safety, which concerned Mum. To get Mum’s attention, B often pushes other children at crèche, pokes her sister or pulls on her arm (daily) or will cry. Mum noted a there was a bit of sibling rivalry going on. B will hit her head on the floor or walls at times, throwing tantrums. When things don’t go right or when she wants her own way, Mum says that B overacts.

B speech had been assessed and found to be 6 months behind her age appropriate development (ie limited vocabulary, enunciation concerns, not speaking clearly enough to be understood, etc). As a result she visits a Speech Therapist regularly. B responds well to routine, eg bed-time which has a pre-warning beforehand and a bed-time story which works well Mum says. Although B sleeps through the night, she usually takes sometime to settle initially. B reacts strongly towards specific things and will cry straight away. For instance, at the sight of the vacuum cleaner she will immediately start crying and run to her room or when shown Tigger (the toy tiger) which when wound up will bounce and jump around. B likes and wants order Mum says, eg the doll has to have her hat off. Although previously toilet trained, B had fissures now, so was reluctant to do ‘poos’ (often holding on for some days before going), or go to the toilet to do ‘poos’ due to the pain involved. While Mum has sought medical advice and treatment, she says that B goes and puts on a ‘pull-up’ herself to do ‘poos’ in, rather than going in the toilet.
While Mum said that she would commit to this process, she nevertheless said on parting that “We’ll see if it works”, which l found interesting.

SleepTalk ® Foundation Process commenced.
Spoke with Mum a couple of days after our first meeting and she said that she felt confident giving the SleepTalk ® process. Sent sms after two weeks; all going well Mum reported.

Four weeks into the SleepTalk ® process, spoke with Mum on the phone to arrange our next meeting. Mum said that she had been able to do SleepTalk ® each night, only missing a couple of nights. Mum said that B was more calm and cooperative now, even stopping, looking and listening to Mum at times which didn’t happen before. B had even begun to hold Mum’s hand in the carpark, which Mum was very pleased about.

Second meeting with Mum
A number of substantial improvements in B’s development and behaviour were recognised and noted during this meeting; most with an increase of 10-15%. In reflection and comparison, Mum was able to identify that B had become calmer, more cooperative and focused, and her speech had improved. This was also noted by the Speech Therapist, two weeks earlier (who is interested in finding out more about SleepTalk ®). Mum said that now B was more focused in her play and activities, instead of having ‘excess’ energy as previously, eg not swinging from the curtains as much. B was now more placid, more affectionate, giving more cuddles, especially in the mornings. B was more sharing and caring of her baby sister, saying ‘gentle’ when touching the baby which was welcomed by Mum. Her speech had improved greatly, with B saying new words, more sentences, making more sense in her communication, reciting songs and speaking more clearly. Whereas previously B refused to even try any new foods at all, she was now more willing to even put these foods to her lips and taste them. Increased interest in sharing books with her Mum and letting her Mum read to her and talking with her about books through the day had occurred.

B was playing, sharing and dealing with other kids at crèche better, with less aggression – not snatching toys from them or hitting them as much. B was communication with other children had improved and was verbalizing more. Her concentration on one activity was lasting a lot longer, being more attentive and focused. While her imagination and creativity had become greater, making up games with play dough, wearing objects as ‘crowns’, making up songs.

B’s behaviour at home and in public had become less demonstrative, by compiling with and following Mum’s directions more (eg holding hands in the carpark, packing up toys when asked), with the head banging/throwing tantrums occurring only occasionally. Mum believed as she had put more boundaries in place and B was listening more, she could reason with B and explain consequences to her. Because of this, B was following through more positively rather than reacting negatively by screaming, throwing tantrums, etc. B was not being sent to her room as much for time out. Rather than becoming frustrated quickly with things, B had become calmer with everyday activities, such as tying shoe laces, or when a puzzle piece was missing or didn’t fit.

Mum believed that B’s level of anxiety had reduced (eg trying to eat more things, more willing to do things, calmer, etc); she could even touch the vacuum cleaner now after it was turned off. However she still reacted by yelling “NO” when Tigger appeared. Greater self-help skills by B were recognised by Mum, with B washing her hands after toileting and when appropriate, packing up toys and putting away, cooperating more with less resistance and fighting. While B still wanted to wear pull-ups for ‘poos’, she had started to go to the toilet by herself without being taken by her Mum. Although Dad is not taking part in the nightly SleepTalk ® process, he can see a difference in B’s behaviour Mum said.

Choosing the Primary Area of Need

In determining B’s Primary Area of Need, two priorities were selected by Mum: toileting and speech. Mum is very concerned and anxious, wanting to do all she can to help with B’s speech development, which had improved the Speech Therapist had told her. However, of the two areas, Mum wanted B to be able to go to the toilet to do ‘poos’, without holding on or thinking that it would still be painful. Mum felt that her daughter was becoming constipated regularly because of this which also worried Mum. A specific statement “You can do ‘poos’ in the toilet easily – its OK”, was agreed upon and a follow up appointment made for 6 weeks’ time.


Tantrums

Dear Joane , thank you so much for what you’ve developed…the effects are so far reaching ……for generation after generation……I don’t think we could possible imagine the extent of the changes created by your SleepTalk process Joane. The following is some feedback about a case history that I thought you would be interested to hear about.
– Jenny Murphy. Queensland: Acupuncturist, Hypnotherapist, Holistic Healer.

“We have been doing the SleepTalk with ‘A’ since we spoke about it and it has improved him out of sight. He no longer wakes up all the time in a tantrum and both he and I are much closer. He is showing a lot more physical affection for me and confidence over all. The daily tantrums have nearly disappeared. We are nearly over the foundation month so I will start putting in suggestions re eating (as he is not eating a lot nor touching meat and vegetables) and then about expressing his frustrations (he lashes out).
I just don’t know where we would be at this juncture without the SleepTalk.”