A SleepTalk® Miracle

 

We were in Crisis.

My name is Audra, and I am Mom to two beautiful daughters who inspire me daily to be a better me.

 

I have my BA in Elementary Education with a minor in special education from the University of Wyoming. I have taught 3rd grade at an International Bachelorette School in Fort Collins, CO, I’ve led the children’s ministry at Harvest Church in Billings, MT and currently work as a substitute teacher for Chino Valley Unified School District.

 

For as long as I can remember children have been my passion.  They are our future and I take that very seriously. As a teacher I love helping children develop and learn, and grow into little people.

 

While teaching, I quickly realized that parental involvement plays an integral role in how successful a child will be. Teachers inspire, lead, and teach, but parents are the key in the successful development of their self-esteem and confidence as well as their success in and outside of the classroom. Parents hold an enormous amount of power to influence their children in both positive and negative ways.

 

My desire is to help parents become empowered with knowledge that can transform their children’s lives with their own words within their own homes. I consider myself to be a child advocate, and there is no better way to help children in my opinion than to work with parents to inspire and build a strong self-esteem and confidence within their child.

 

Children who have a high self-esteem perform better in school and overall make better choices. Developing a child’s confidence and emotional firewall prepares them for a lifetime of success.

 

As a mom I have been in that dark place where I was desperate for help. I was challenged with two very angry struggling children. It took me by surprise, that even after years of working with parents and children I found myself at a loss of ideas on how to help my own children.

 

I felt hopeless!  I had tried everything, from discipline to bribery, and nothing was working. My children were not happy. That is the hardest thing for me to admit, my kids were not thriving at all. It seemed that on some days we were barely surviving, and I knew something had to give soon.  We were all in crisis. It was while I was in this place that I discovered The Goulding Process – SleepTalk®: My miracle.

 

I met with the founder Joane Goulding, and began a transformation that I consider a miracle. Within two weeks of starting the Goulding Process – SleepTalk, my children had shown remarkable improvement.

 

My youngest was no longer waking up with night terrors; she was sleeping the entire night in her own bed! My oldest was no longer angry each morning; she was waking up happy and content!

 

They were no longer fighting with each other all day long. Both children started to improve in school, and by the end of the school year were earning A’s and B’s. It still brings tears to my eyes to think about how simple and impactful just 2 minutes a night could be.

 

I vowed then that I wanted to share this process with every parent I know.  I took the certification course this summer to become a consultant with The Goulding SleepTalk Process, and am thrilled to now be able to teach other parents how to use it.

 

This is the single most impactful thing I have ever done with my children. It’s completely safe and easy to do, it just takes 2 minutes a night! The best part is that the PARENTS are the ones working directly with their children.

 

I am looking forward to talking with you about how you can become actively involved in building your child’s self-esteem and confidence

SleepTalk® Accredited Consultant – USA– Dec 2014

Sibling Rivalry

Sibling Rivalry

Oh, my God!  It’s working.  Today was such a good day. My 13 year old, is still sarcastic and trying to put down her sister, but she successfully ignored her nasty comments.

SleepTalk® Mum – Japan 2013

Sibling Rivalry. 

“Within 2 weeks Mum acknowledges that there is a lighter mood and more openness in the household.   She hears them laughing and playing together where have been more segregated in the past.   

Finds herself saying the words during the day as well.  Is ‘calming and soothing’ to her as well.  When ‘R’ has a meltdown or other family disturbance, mum finds herself reacting differently, which is lessening the length/severity of the issue.  By 6 weeks. ‘R’ is sleeping through the night.  Day-care indicates they “wish they had 20 more like her”. 

Accredited Consultant – Joy Hoffman – USA 2019

 

Sibling Rivalry.

“Mum was really happy with both ‘C’s and ‘Z’s progress. ‘C’ has not had nightmares for a couple of months now and no worries with phobia either. ‘Z’ has been really good and has been sleeping for the most part in his own bed with occasional nights in bed with his sister.

Mum did say that they had been a bit more inconsistent with the Goulding Process- SleepTalk in the post couple of weeks due to illness and holiday sleepovers.

We decided that it would be a good idea to continue with foundation statements and sibling rivalry statement for a few more weeks since they had been less consistent recently. After that we will odd a new statement for each of them to create a good ‘fire wall’ for the future.

I met with mum again in September. They had been doing The Goulding Process- SleepTalk® consistently now for several weeks and in view of the progress made by both children, we decided it was time to add some support statements.

I subsequently spoke with mum again. Support statements seemed to have been accepted by both children with no opponent problems. Both parents are very happy with the whole process and will continue with The Goulding Process- SleepTalk®. I will contact them again in a few weeks to see how they are progressing.”

Kathryn Duncan – Qld 2014

 

Sibling Rivalry.

“Completing all areas of this case study, I do believe ‘A’ made great progress. His anxiety decreased; his sleep improved greatly and his scholastic endeavours were improved.

Of note was the unforeseen improvement of ‘A’ attitude and behaviour towards his sister.

Mum was thrilled. She also confessed that she loved this dedicated time with her sleeping babies each night. A positive experience all round.”

Accredited Consultant: Marian Daish – Victoria 2017

 

Sibling Rivalry

“She has stopped biting her nails!

Her nails seems to be actually growing now!

Mum is so stunned and it’s another thing she has been able to mention to the father in regards to how the kids are doing lately…. He still doesn’t quite ‘see’ it.

Although, on further questioning, it was clear that nails were just being less bitten! Still wanting to ‘go’ to her nails (still anxious habit?) but they were growing therefore, still probably biting them, but much less often and that surely means a little change in anxiety expressing itself in self-soothing or habit.

During the 12 week appointment, the reassessment was offered and the 3 C’s have been adhered to. Mum is happy with the process and its effects on her too. ‘L’ has an overall improvement in most things.

Generally she’s less nervous and less ‘highly strung’. Still overreacts to things at home, but calms much quicker after. We discussed what are the outstanding issues, and Mum said that the hypochondria, although much less frequent, it’s still happening & also the nail biting.

So, we talked about anxiety and that she is still needing (like her brother) to have the foundation process continue to get more consolidation in her ‘self’ before moving onto and dealing with a primary area of need. 

Talking to Joane afterwards, we talked about the need for attention presenting as hypochondria (due to sibling rivalry and issues around her dad*) and anxiety, nail biting, fear based things. Very much like her brother. 

{*Mum mentioned only during the phase 2 ‘where now’ document, that ‘L’ had stopped saying “why does dad hate me?” which shocked me a bit – and it goes to show that the need for attention and that constant anxiety is with her at home – fear of not being loved by her dad, it would seem ☹}”

Accredited Consultant: Lucia Dapos – Vic – 2019

 

 Sibling Rivalry 

“He is MUCH calmer and listening better. I decided it was time to add the bridging statement to the foundation statement. They were going overseas on holidays for 18 nights, so thought she could start now. (Mum delivered the process most nights while away, even on the plane!!)

She reported, when they got back, that the kids got along quite well and they all had a good time away together. And also, on return, ‘T’ and his dad started bike riding more often and enjoying each other in this space.

At week 12, phase 2 ‘where now’ interview and document done. ‘T’ is doing much better in key areas. He’s not as blinkered in his thinking now – listens to alternatives/advice/queries regarding what he has chosen to do, and takes these things into consideration, whereas previously, he would not have even listened. Less dogmatic.

All of ‘T’s’ reactions are less dramatic and he is definitely stopping & listening. More relaxed, less rigid. Big decrease in his fear of the dark and being alone.

Stopped biting his toe-nails (!! she didn’t mention toe nails in the initial interview, just finger nails) completely. But decrease of fingernail biting maybe 20% – still huge improvement!  ‘T’ is generally showing signs of less anxiety. 

She is also still concerned about his lack of impulse control – even though improved. Suggested that the process still needs time to consolidate with ‘T’. I believe that adding dad’s voice would see a whole new change in ‘T’s’ behaviours, but they have to do this, I can only give the reasons and encourage gently but firmly. So, for the next three months, the foundation process with the bridging statement to be continued. Monitor changes every 2 weeks or so. 

Accredited Consultant: Lucia Dapos – Vic – 2019

 

Sibling Rivalry

Parent Feedback: “I love this process, its easy and builds better connections with my boys.

My son is now more positive about eating some other things (but still prefers chips). Need more work in this area, but it’s a big improvement.

He is feeling like he belongs in his new 4yr old kinder program now and has met some new friends.

Have had big improvements with boys wanting to go to dads overnight and they even like his new partner. Overall, very happy with the process.”

Accredited Consultant: Anneliese Luz – Vic 2019

 

 Sibling Rivalry. 

“ The parent indicated that ‘S’ responded well to The Goulding Process- SleepTalk®. Mom was doing the Foundation consistently every night; dad was not willing to participate in the process. 

Within 4 weeks, mom noticed a decrease in the frequency, severity, and duration of ‘S’ outbursts.  Bedtimes becoming easier, Mom was feeling less stressed and there was less fighting between the girls

Accredited Consultant. KP – Canada 2015

 

Sibling Rivalry.

“The parents reported that ‘H’ has been in the past a less confident child despite his high intelligence in completing more advanced tasks and good results in learning. He also had some sibling rivalry issues with his younger sister. 

However, a short time after starting the foundation Stage of The Goulding Process – SleepTalk® he has become more open and talkative, and his relationship with his younger sister and his attitude towards her have changed in a very positive way. 

The parents commented with surprise how he made a complete change by being helpful and protective of her in such a short time. Continuing with SleepTalk® will make their relationship stronger into the future and benefit the whole family.”

Accredited Consultant: LH – 2018

 

Sibling Rivalry. 

“The parent feedback: ‘P’ is the younger of 2 siblings. Her older brother and her had some sibling rivalry issues prior to starting The Goulding Process – SleepTalk®, with ‘P’ displaying more of the jealousy and attention seeking at times when she thought she was being “left out”. 

After the first few weeks of starting the Foundation Stage this behaviour has disappeared. At the same time her parents were very surprised at the growing affection she was showing to both of them, but at times also to others in the family. 

Her relationship to her brother has noticeably improved, and she is also gaining confidence in entering preschool this year. My recommendation is to continue with Foundation Statement and review a potential addition of Specific Statement later in consultation with parents.

Accredited Consultant: LH – 2018

 

Sibling Rivalry. 

“Parent feedback: ‘C’ wakes up quietly now without any anger. He is calmer in the mornings and getting ready for school is becoming easier for all of the family. He is learning to use self-control and walking away when his brother upsets him.” 

“Consultant feedback: Mum was excited by the results she had achieved and wanted to move on to include the next support suggestion. Mum reported that it had positive results. 

‘C’s biggest achievement was to attend a crowded soccer break up and went by himself to get a book of vouchers that was required to get his meals and treats. Mum said this would never have happened before and she was so proud of his achievement. ‘C’ also attended the school fair and happily went off with his big brother to go on rides. 

Mum feels that ‘C’s level of anxiety in group situations has reduced greatly and that ‘C’s happier to go to school and keen to share his achievements big or small with the family. He is also confidently speaking on the phone now and going up to shopkeepers and asking for what he wants. The family are still working with ‘C’ to give eye contact.” 

Conclusion.

“I feel that mum has grasped the Goulding Process -SleepTalk®  and used it well. She was very keen for this to work and has been positive all the way through. It has been wonderful to be part of this journey with the family. It is wonderful to see ‘C’ becoming more confident within him. I am in contact with the family regularly and will follow up on her needs and anything that she requires to support her.”

Accredited Consultant: MP – 2010 Vic 

——————————————————————————————————

Sibling Rivalry. 

I feel that Mum saw such a change in her other child using this process that she became more excited about using it with ‘F’ as she saw the rewards his sibling was achieving. 

Both Mum and I feel that her husband really needs to spend time administering the suggestions to ‘F’ to have a positive effect on their relationship. Mum felt confident in applying the process to ‘F’ without my assistance so we worked on two more suggestions that she would use when she felt it was time.

Accredited Consultant: MP – 2010 Vic 

 

Sibling Rivalry

Sibling Rivalry. 

“ The parent indicated that ‘S’ responded well to The Goulding Process SleepTalk®. Mom was doing the Foundation consistently every night; dad was not willing to participate in the process.

Within 4 weeks, mom noticed a decrease in the frequency, severity, and duration of ‘S’ outbursts.  Bedtimes becoming easier, Mom was feeling less stressed and there was less fighting between the girls.

Accredited Consultant. KP – Canada 2015

 

Sibling Rivalry.

“The parents reported that ‘H’ has been in the past a less confident child despite his high intelligence in completing more advanced tasks and good results in learning. He also had some sibling rivalry issues with his younger sister.

However, a short time after starting the foundation Stage of The Goulding Process – SleepTalk® he has become more open and talkative, and his relationship with his younger sister and his attitude towards her have changed in a very positive way. 

The parents commented with surprise how he made a complete change by being helpful and protective of her in such a short time. Continuing with The Goulding Process- SleepTalk® will make their relationship stronger into the future and benefit the whole family.”

Accredited Consultant: LH – 2018

 

Sibling Rivalry. 

“The parent feedback: ‘P’ is the younger of 2 siblings. Her older brother and her had some sibling rivalry issues prior to starting The Goulding Process- SleepTalk®, with ‘P’ displaying more of the jealousy and attention seeking at times when she thought she was being “left out”.

After the first few weeks of starting the Foundation Stage this behaviour has disappeared. At the same time her parents were very surprised at the growing affection she was showing to both of them, but at times also to others in the family. 

Her relationship to her brother has noticeably improved, and she is also gaining confidence in entering preschool this year. My recommendation is to continue with Foundation Statement and review a potential addition of Specific Statement later in consultation with parents.

Accredited Consultant: LH – 2018

Sibling Rivalry. 

“Parent feedback: ‘C’ wakes up quietly now without any anger. He is calmer in the mornings and getting ready for school is becoming easier for all of the family. He is learning to use self-control and walking away when his brother upsets him.” 

“Consultant feedback: Mum was excited by the results she had achieved and wanted to move on to include the next support suggestion. Mum reported that it had positive results.

‘C’s biggest achievement was to attend a crowded soccer break up and went by himself to get a book of vouchers that was required to get his meals and treats. Mum said this would never have happened before and she was so proud of his achievement.

‘C’ also attended the school fair and happily went off with his big brother to go on rides. Mum feels that ‘C’s level of anxiety in group situations has reduced greatly and that ‘C’s happier to go to school and keen to share his achievements big or small with the family.

He is also confidently speaking on the phone now and going up to shopkeepers and asking for what he wants. The family are still working with ‘C’ to give eye contact.” 

Conclusion.

“I feel that mum has grasped the Goulding Process – SleepTalk®  and used it well. She was very keen for this to work and has been positive all the way through. It has been wonderful to be part of this journey with the family.

It is wonderful to see ‘C’ becoming more confident within him. I am in contact with the family regularly and will follow up on her needs and anything that she requires to support her.”

Accredited Consultant: MP – 2010 Vic 

 

 Sibling Rivalry. 

I feel that Mum saw such a change in her other child using the Goulding Process – SleepTalk®  that she became more excited about using it with ‘F’ as she saw the rewards his sibling was achieving.

Both Mum and I feel that her husband really needs to spend time administering the suggestions to ‘F’ to have a positive effect on their relationship. Mum felt confident in applying the process to ‘F’ without my assistance so we worked on two more suggestions that she would use when she felt it was time.

Accredited Consultant: MP – 2010 Vic 

 

 Sibling Rivalry

“Feedback from mum and dad has been overwhelming; they are simply amazed and so happy that the girls are being “happy little girls”. 

The girls have now started to play with each other a lot more and enjoy each other’s company.

Mum also discussed with me that there has been a whole shift within the family not just with the girls; mum is now enjoying waking up every morning to 2 beautifully happy children this just makes her day.

Dad has now starting calling mum cute names that she has not been called since they were married. Dad and Mum are also enjoying each other’s company a lot more …”

Consultant: ND – 2010

 

 

Sibling Rivalry

Sibling Rivalry 

Oh, my God! It’s working. Today was such a good day. My 13 year old, is still sarcastic and trying to put down her sister, but she successfully ignored her nasty comments. 

SleepTalk Mum – Japan 2013 

 

Sibling Rivalry .

“Had a very positive result, her sleep improved by 90% and so did her ability to remain calm and deal with anger.

She is very affectionate with all family members including her sister who previously was scratched and bitten by her daily.

She has also become completely toilet trained and dry at night. Speech was also an issue, so after introducing additional ‘specific’ suggestions, the educators commented at her day care: “She has really found her voice and become confident and outgoing”.

The parents will continue to use The Goulding Process – SleepTalk® to help her navigate her way through future changes and make good choices.”

Accredited Consultant: Olivia Walford – Vic 2018

 

Sibling Rivalry.

“Very positive feedback again, parents are very content – all marks of ‘A’ are in the positive range now, eating habits changed greatly, he is much more sociable in kindergarten and basically peaceful at home, quarrels have stopped. ‘M’ shows further improvements too.

‘A’ has moved from a problematic and annoying behaviour pattern to a much more sociable, more patient state in general. There has been lots of good feedback from the kindergarten staff and the relation between the 2 kids have improved greatly.

There are still minor quarrels about sharing toys, but that is considered normal competitiveness and home quarrels have stopped, parents much more peaceful in general. The process has changed their attitudes too towards the children – very healthy communication”. 

Consultant: Peter Solymos – Budapest 2014.

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 Self-Esteem – Sibling Rivarly. 

“Very positive feedback again, the mother is very content – all marks of ‘B’ are in the positive range now. ‘B’ continues sports and is generally much more calm and with very good marks.

‘D’ shows further improvements too, though remains disinterested in sports and other activities, and her ability to remain calm changes up and down over time, despite of a visible general increase in self-esteem.

The mother has dropped significantly in doing the talks every night, but intends to get back to it upon the results of this review.

Both kids have grown greatly in self-esteem, and their general feeling at home and school has improved significantly as well. The mother has grown enormously in self-esteem and the change is very visible.

The relation of the 2 kids has improved visibly too, less frustration at home for the mother. ‘D’ still needs some attention but looking at the marks she is well on the way. We introduced additional suggestions but it does not show an effect on the targeted traits, but may attribute to the general improvement. The mother became interested in applying the process in her work because she occasionally helps children.”

Consultant: Peter Solymos – Budapest 2014.

 

 

Sibling Rivalry 

“After 12 weeks of The Goulding Process- SleepTalk Foundation Stage. SleepTalk was strictly followed everyday by the mother! 

 

• Mum noticed results after two weeks of the SleepTalk process and the first observation was the increase in the confidence level where he became more approachable to try new things or new learning challenges believing in his own abilities! 

 

• Soon his reading and writing improved dramatically along his grades and he was awarded from school for the amount of reading he is doing! 

 

• His ability to express himself improved slightly but he was able to make better sense using his mother tongue language! 

 

• His attitude toward school improved and is more focused on the positive aspects of the teachers rather than their flaws as with his very high logic and reasoning cognitive skills. sometimes he was making more sense than his teachers! 

 

• The mother was so happy by his ability to remain calm and manage his anger very reasonably. She said that this has improved so much that the relationship with his brother and sister is getting so much better!

 

Feedback Report:  There is no more hair pulling at all which has stopped completely. Nail biting is still on but at a very less frequency! 

‘Y’ took some time to understand the shift in his mother behaviour after focusing so much on high grades and results. Signs of anxiety is still there but he is able to go through tests and is more motivated to put more! 

All kids love the process and they call their mother before they sleep and ask her to sleep talk to them !

Consultant: NT – UAE 2017

 

Sibling Rivalry. 

“ The Goulding Process – SleepTalk® was recommended and explained thoroughly and the need to do it to all kids where the mother can approach the teenagers from a bit of a distance or the door step because of his age. 

After 12 weeks of offering the Goulding Process – SleepTalk Foundation Stage! The Process  was strictly followed everyday by the mother and she recorded the voice of the father as he used to travel a lot. 

Mum started reporting changes every week. First they were smaller changes where the tantrums took just a little bit less time and the improvements increased weekly.

Mum became so motivated with the process and the obvious changes for the whole 12 weeks.! Her son’s tantrums times and length kept getting shorter and more manageable. He was able to control his nerves and even started thinking positively and looking at the good side in situations.

He became more confident and not venerable to simple situations where he became so flexible and secure within. He was also able to speak up for himself and report situations where he needed to explain himself and his reactions and he was convincing and never lied. 

His teachers started reporting significant changes and by the end of the year he was given an award for best behaviour in school which left the mother thrilled! 

The relationship with siblings softened gradually and now they are more understanding and tolerant to each other. Mother reported that he is even more empathetic with his older brother and sister! 

The siblings relationship became much stronger as the communication between them got stronger and they were able to talk, set rules and follow them through and she is enjoying him outside everywhere even in the mall which used to be a great challenge!

Mum also reported that he doesn’t like to spend more time alone than he used to do before.!  Harmony was restored to the whole home and she felt much happier and reported that she felt her life has changed.

Consultant: NT – UAE 2017

 

Sibling Rivalry

A Goulding SleepTalk Consultant talks about case histories. This one is his own story. The Goulding SleepTalk Process is a method whereby parents are involved in building self esteem and an awareness of unconditional love in their children, as well as dealing with behavioral and emotional issues. SleepTalk is a valuable parenting tool for all parents.

 

Tantrums, Self-confidence, Sibling rivalry, Education

A is a 5 year old boy who lives with his Mum and Dad and his little sister aged 2. Both parents were in a loving relationship and both keen to do the SleepTalk® technique together with both their children.

The initial reasons for A’s Mum wanting to use the SleepTalk method were to help him establish more self-confidence and assurance. Mum also noted that A was a premature baby and she said that she had experienced a few challenges along the way with A’s health due to this early birth.

17 August 2011

I met with both parents in August 2011. At this time A was described as a very intelligent, imaginative boy who knew just how to get his Mum’s attention through what was described as a “whiney voice”.

Mum commented how A could attempt to be very controlling when she was talking with other adults and didn’t want to “share his mum”. He would scream and go into ‘melt downs’ and this was often worse when A didn’t know people that well and felt uncomfortable in new surroundings. This was described to me as “clingy behaviour”.

Both Mum and Dad very loving parents who often spent much time with both children in the day time, but there was obviously some underlying belief that A had, and this was leading him to feel uncomfortable in new situations and only secure when with parents. At the time A was resistant in learning things himself, not keen to try new classes, and commented that he was most happy when “at home with Mummy and Daddy”.

The other thing that Mum and Dad wanted assistance with was to get to the core reason for A’s fussy eating, as he would often seek attention at meal times and both parents felt that there was a lot of fuss around eating.  I left both parents with the SleepTalk® folder and they were confident with the process and how to apply it at bedtime.

13 October 2011

I met with A’s parents for the second time after they had been saying the ‘Foundation’ SleepTalk® suggestions to A for approximately 8 weeks. Mum said that A seemed “more level” now with his confidence and emotions. He was “snapping out of his whiney voice” much quicker and “able to control his emotions a lot better”.  He seemed to be calmer and less anxious and “more comfortable in his own skin”, parents said.    It was noted that A was more confident without parents and not as “needy” in new situations.

Dad said that he was delighted when he took A to a friend’s party on his own as Mum was away that weekend and A just ran off and played. Dad said that he was convinced that when they got there A would be clingy and yet when he turned around he had run off to play!  You could see how pleased Dad was with this change in a matter of 7 weeks!

The one thing that still stood out was that A was still coming in to his parent’s bed at approx 12 am and lying right next to them indicating a need to be near his parents still. This was after he had wet his pull ups. So he would wee in his pull ups and then go to parent’s bed and get in with them. So together we looked for a suitable support statement to add to the Foundation words.

21 November 2011

I met with A’s parents again approx 5 weeks later. A had dry pull ups at bedtime within a week!  Within one week A was getting up to go to the toilet himself and going back to his own bed where before he was going to his parents bed and getting in with them.

A was then going to his parents bed at approx 5 am and Dad said that he was more “calm and cuddly when getting in the bed rather than in a needy way”.

Both parents said that they didn’t feel that this was an issue now with A coming in at that time as it was nearly time to awaken for the day, so we didn’t address this any further and agreed that he would most probably grow out of this and when he got his new bed.

Mum said that A was now eating a better quantity of food and not fighting as much at meal times which could also have been due to the fact A was now taking quality Vitamin B tablets for children. Due to the sibling rivalry suggestions of the SleepTalk®, A was now saying that he loved his sister in the day time to her – so verbalising his feelings more freely and more understanding with his younger sister.

Parents noticed an improvement with his writing and school reported an improvement with his concentration in his work. Again, following a family weekend away, parents noticed that A was becoming more and more confident in unusual and new situations. He was now getting more sleep due to staying in his own bed longer at night time and was more settled therefore sleeping for longer periods of time.

Mum mentioned that whenever A showed a sign of anxiety which was rare these days, she would say some of the SleepTalk® words to him in a loving manner and his “shoulders would just drop and he would become more relaxed”.  Increased cooperation meant that A was now more understanding of what his parents were saying to him and so he now listened when they were explaining things to him and he was more cooperative.

Summary

In summary there were notable improvements in sleep, bedwetting, eating, self security, confidence and self esteem, general well-being, communication, studies, and communication and relationships with parents within 3 months.

Both parents remained fully committed to the program throughout the whole 3 months, alternating the evenings that they said the words to their child and used some of the positive wording in the daytime to gain optimal benefits for their child.

2012 – Jenny Harris – UK – SleepTalk consultant.

Toileting, Anxiety, Sibling Rivalry Issues

Presenting Situation.
“Jan 5th 2011 – ‘N’ is an 8 year old girl presenting with bedwetting and faecal enuresis. Her parents have tried “everything” in the past and she has been undergoing counselling in the past year.  Though a very bright child, N’s parents report extreme anxiety and difficult behaviours, notably a troubled relationship with her 10 year old sister.”

Foundation process
“N saw enormous changes in a very short time frame, on commencing SleepTalk®. Though in the past she had been afraid to go anywhere on her own and would struggle to deal with anger and anxiety – mostly resulting in “melt downs”, within the first three weeks, ‘N’ had showed a significant turnaround.

N’s parents reported a number of changes after three weeks.
More able to talk through concerns calmly without melt downs.
Walked to the shops and scouts on her own.
Asked to go to school camp.
Had the first dry nights of her life.
Stopped hiding (and lying about) soiled pants and stopped soiling.
Happy to talk on the phone to people.

Parents report enormous positive feedback! And these are just some of the main examples. Even with such positive changes and feedback, ‘N’s parents expressed there was still some way to go with N’s ability to deal with anger, with her self-esteem and they expressed significant concern over N’s continued troubled relationship with her elder sister.

We chose to keep the ‘Foundation’ statements for some weeks longer and added in the sibling support statement, suspecting that the sibling relationship is potentially the prime area of pain and anxiety for ‘N’.”

Follow up
“On contacting ‘N’s parents three weeks later, I was informed that almost instantly after adding in the sibling support statement, ‘N’ regressed. She began (and continued to) soiling and bedwetting again and was less cooperative.  We chose to continue but not change the statements whilst ‘N’ was unsettled – and two weeks later the parents reported seeing slow improvement. She is very cognitive about the issue now too – shows a real willingness to beat the issue and a desire to be clean. She is well on her way to conquering her toileting troubles!”

Conclusion
“This continues to be a very interesting case to work with. ‘N’ had an extreme abreaction to the addition of a sibling support statement. This fits with the parent’s information given about the troubled sibling relationship and appears to be a deep source of anxiety and stress for ’N’. It seems that, upon adding that her sister loves her, her brain was not able to neither compute this nor take it on as truth easily. A month on and she is showing marked improvement but still has some way to go. Her parents remarked: “Thank God for SleepTalk®!” and are very grateful for the obvious effect it has had in their lives. I am grateful for their willingness to stick to the program with patience, noting that it is not a quick fix for their daughter but is slowly working love through the deepest parts of her doubts and fears. What a wonderful thing to watch.”

Up Date: 20 April 2011
“The mum just emailed me to let me know that it has finally turned a corner! Toileting issues have been under total control for a week now (and most of last week) and she is a “happy little girl”. Mostly holidays are bad for her – I guess, having her sister around with her full time – but they have been coasting through that alright too.  Great news to hear…just thought I’d let you know!”

SW – Consultant.

Sibling Rivalry

Session 1

Presenting Issue
“J” is a very well balance, outgoing child in most areas but acts up if her brother gets more attention or gets given anything extra from any family member (including extended family).

Detailed Case History
I personally know this family and they have always tried to show equal attention to both children. I believe this is definitely a case “J” establishing her own personality and place within the family. Her brother is very outgoing and plays a lot of sport, participates in a lot of external activities that requires his parents to drive him around and attend these activities with him. “J” feels she is not getting the same amount of attention and this has been confirmed in my conversation with her parents. This behaviour has escalated since “J” started school (this year) and wants more of her parent’s attention when she gets home from school as she doesn’t see them during the day as she used to (had all her mums attention every day whilst “J” was at school).

If “J” needs to go out after school, “J” sulks and storms around the house until she gets attention. She can also become quite boisterous and demanding. “J” will not share anything with “J” and throws tantrums if asked to do so.

If asked if she loves her brother she says yes and will give him cuddles. If they are at home together and they are doing activities like drawing together then they are fine. The main area of concern for “M” and “P” is that “J” needs to realise that her parents love her just as much and that doesn’t change when they have to spend more time with “J” after school as he has a lot of things to do.

Process/Discussion
I explained the SleepTalk Process to “M” and “P”, answered any questions/concerns and then we proceeded to complete “Where Does My Child Stand Now?” (see attached).
The major areas highlighted as Poor or needing improvement were:

  • Behaviour towards sibling
  • Sleeping Habits
  • Sharing with others was good with everyone else but not “J”

“M” and “P” were happy to see how the SleepTalk Process would work but I sensed “P” was a little sceptical.

Session 2 – 28h August 2010

Feedback
“M” and “P” said that they had seen major improvements over the last six weeks. We went through “Where Does My Child Stand Now” and there were not only significant improvements in the areas of focus but also where “J”’s previous rating was good to very good.
Both parents took turns in reading the foundation script each night and noticed that “J” seemed happier in the morning and more responsive to “J”.

  • Has a lot more energy in the morning.
  • “J” has always been a “picky” eater but they have noticed that she is trying a few more things.
  • There is more interest in reading and maths but this could be that she is settling more into school (her first year).
  • “J” seems to be able to concentrate more but this could be as above as she settles into school and homework.
  • “J” and “J” are both very creative and now that she is responding better to “J” they are both spending more time together drawing and “J” has improved substantially as a result.
  • She is sharing more with all family members.
  • She is more accepting of others – seems a lot calmer in relation to all.
  • “J” seems a lot less anxious when her parents need to spend time with “J”; she does not have as many tantrums, is calmer and is generally better behaved.
  • “J” has always had a lot of self-esteem and confidence but this seems to have improved as well (up to 30% improvement)
  • “J” has been staying in her own bed over the last week and has not ventured into the lounge room to sleep during the night.

Primary Area of Need
During this time, “M” and “P” have also done a little research about how they can handle this rivalry better and gave me an article they found on the Raising Children Network (which I am going to send a SleepTalk information kit to).
We had some discussions about the article and then decided to continue with a specific suggestion for the next four-six weeks.

Specific Suggestions Given
We decided to combine three of the suggestions in the book re sibling rivalry:
You’re an important member of the family, we all love you, and you are very special to brother.

 

Session 3 – 2nd October 2010

Feedback
“M” and “P” have seen continuous improvement in the relationship between “J” and “J”. “J” has started art classes and ballet and is enrolling in soccer. With these extra activities she also needs her parents to drive her and pick her up. This seems to have put her on the same footing as “J”.

She no longer throws tantrums, is a lot calmer and has been a lot nicer to be around. “J” now shares with her brother and spends time telling him about what she has been doing each day.
In general family time is stress-free (except for normal family fights). Both “M” and “P” of course have more activities to go to but are enjoying this with both their children now.
“J” has been sleeping in her own bed (probably exhausted with school and extra activities) and “life is good”

End Result

“M” and “P” said that it was a long process and at times was hard work to do every night but would recommend it to other parents and are thankful for all it has done for their family.

 

Sibling Rivalry

I did SleepTalk last night Joane on my girls with the new statements you brilliantly designed for them and the feedback was instant this morning.

‘I’ played very nicely with ‘A’  then ‘A’ kept making lots of drawings for her sister and announcing to me “you know why I’m doin’ many drawings for ‘I’, cause I love her so much” then ‘I’ came home from school to receive a birthday gift from a friend, it was identical to one that we gave her so she blew me over with her next comment “that’s alright, I’ll give it to ‘A’ because I already have one”.

WHOAAAAAAAAAAAAA –   I LOVE IT

Tantrums / Bullying / Sibling Rivalry / Speech / Anxiety / Pooing Issues / Refusing Food

B was almost 3 at the time that her Mum commenced Sleeptalk ® with her. B has a new baby sister, E two months old. Mum says that B is a confident, interested and energetic child. B is a “strong-willed” child, who likes to do “her own thing”. However, B doesn’t always listen to or follow Mum’s directions, or cooperate with Mum, eg holding hands when in the carpark for safety, which concerned Mum. To get Mum’s attention, B often pushes other children at crèche, pokes her sister or pulls on her arm (daily) or will cry. Mum noted a there was a bit of sibling rivalry going on. B will hit her head on the floor or walls at times, throwing tantrums. When things don’t go right or when she wants her own way, Mum says that B overacts.

B speech had been assessed and found to be 6 months behind her age appropriate development (ie limited vocabulary, enunciation concerns, not speaking clearly enough to be understood, etc). As a result she visits a Speech Therapist regularly. B responds well to routine, eg bed-time which has a pre-warning beforehand and a bed-time story which works well Mum says. Although B sleeps through the night, she usually takes sometime to settle initially. B reacts strongly towards specific things and will cry straight away. For instance, at the sight of the vacuum cleaner she will immediately start crying and run to her room or when shown Tigger (the toy tiger) which when wound up will bounce and jump around. B likes and wants order Mum says, eg the doll has to have her hat off. Although previously toilet trained, B had fissures now, so was reluctant to do ‘poos’ (often holding on for some days before going), or go to the toilet to do ‘poos’ due to the pain involved. While Mum has sought medical advice and treatment, she says that B goes and puts on a ‘pull-up’ herself to do ‘poos’ in, rather than going in the toilet.
While Mum said that she would commit to this process, she nevertheless said on parting that “We’ll see if it works”, which l found interesting.

SleepTalk ® Foundation Process commenced.
Spoke with Mum a couple of days after our first meeting and she said that she felt confident giving the SleepTalk ® process. Sent sms after two weeks; all going well Mum reported.

Four weeks into the SleepTalk ® process, spoke with Mum on the phone to arrange our next meeting. Mum said that she had been able to do SleepTalk ® each night, only missing a couple of nights. Mum said that B was more calm and cooperative now, even stopping, looking and listening to Mum at times which didn’t happen before. B had even begun to hold Mum’s hand in the carpark, which Mum was very pleased about.

Second meeting with Mum
A number of substantial improvements in B’s development and behaviour were recognised and noted during this meeting; most with an increase of 10-15%. In reflection and comparison, Mum was able to identify that B had become calmer, more cooperative and focused, and her speech had improved. This was also noted by the Speech Therapist, two weeks earlier (who is interested in finding out more about SleepTalk ®). Mum said that now B was more focused in her play and activities, instead of having ‘excess’ energy as previously, eg not swinging from the curtains as much. B was now more placid, more affectionate, giving more cuddles, especially in the mornings. B was more sharing and caring of her baby sister, saying ‘gentle’ when touching the baby which was welcomed by Mum. Her speech had improved greatly, with B saying new words, more sentences, making more sense in her communication, reciting songs and speaking more clearly. Whereas previously B refused to even try any new foods at all, she was now more willing to even put these foods to her lips and taste them. Increased interest in sharing books with her Mum and letting her Mum read to her and talking with her about books through the day had occurred.

B was playing, sharing and dealing with other kids at crèche better, with less aggression – not snatching toys from them or hitting them as much. B was communication with other children had improved and was verbalizing more. Her concentration on one activity was lasting a lot longer, being more attentive and focused. While her imagination and creativity had become greater, making up games with play dough, wearing objects as ‘crowns’, making up songs.

B’s behaviour at home and in public had become less demonstrative, by compiling with and following Mum’s directions more (eg holding hands in the carpark, packing up toys when asked), with the head banging/throwing tantrums occurring only occasionally. Mum believed as she had put more boundaries in place and B was listening more, she could reason with B and explain consequences to her. Because of this, B was following through more positively rather than reacting negatively by screaming, throwing tantrums, etc. B was not being sent to her room as much for time out. Rather than becoming frustrated quickly with things, B had become calmer with everyday activities, such as tying shoe laces, or when a puzzle piece was missing or didn’t fit.

Mum believed that B’s level of anxiety had reduced (eg trying to eat more things, more willing to do things, calmer, etc); she could even touch the vacuum cleaner now after it was turned off. However she still reacted by yelling “NO” when Tigger appeared. Greater self-help skills by B were recognised by Mum, with B washing her hands after toileting and when appropriate, packing up toys and putting away, cooperating more with less resistance and fighting. While B still wanted to wear pull-ups for ‘poos’, she had started to go to the toilet by herself without being taken by her Mum. Although Dad is not taking part in the nightly SleepTalk ® process, he can see a difference in B’s behaviour Mum said.

Choosing the Primary Area of Need

In determining B’s Primary Area of Need, two priorities were selected by Mum: toileting and speech. Mum is very concerned and anxious, wanting to do all she can to help with B’s speech development, which had improved the Speech Therapist had told her. However, of the two areas, Mum wanted B to be able to go to the toilet to do ‘poos’, without holding on or thinking that it would still be painful. Mum felt that her daughter was becoming constipated regularly because of this which also worried Mum. A specific statement “You can do ‘poos’ in the toilet easily – its OK”, was agreed upon and a follow up appointment made for 6 weeks’ time.

Separation anxiety & sibling rivalry

March 2010

My husband and I have made it our mission to find a solution to help our 5 year old daughter with her anxiety and separation issues.  She is naturally a highly sensitive and obedient child (which affects her self confidence and ultimately other areas of her development).  The main issue we really wanted to help her address is separation, particularly at kindergarten, in order to help her deal better with separation when she starts school in 12 months’ time. “I” worries about everything from the rain ruining the clothes to her little sister getting lost in the crowd.  We read quite a few books that suggested difference theories and strategies, we sought counsel from several professionals like GPs, Teachers, other parents, Kinaesiologists and Psychologists then we discovered SleepTalk and Joane Goulding.

The main concern we had is her anxiety related to separation mainly at Kindergarten and even with grandparents and with Dad, she just wanted to be with me – her Mum.  The tears and stress would start sometimes two days before kinder day then on the morning of kinder she would be crying quietly during breakfast.  It was heartbreaking to watch and even more sad that we had no solution to help our little girl.

Once I got my hands on the book I read it and started the Foundation process instantly, I then sought counsel from Joane Goulding and we began the “Where Does My Child Stand Now” process.  It took several weeks to observe any Feedback so we continued the Foundations process for about 6-8 weeks.

In just a few short weeks we started to see amazing results, the initial results where not the ones we were looking for.  “I” started to display voluntary and positive signs of affection which she used to sometimes hold back, she also seemed more relaxed.  We knew this feedback must be a direct result of SleepTalk.

Another consultation with Joane and completion of the “Where Does My Child Stand Now” and ongoing use of the SleepTalk process brought us to the goal we’ve been aiming for – one morning while preparing to go to kinder and I was prepared for the usual anxiety and sadness with the lead up to saying goodbye.  She looked at me and with certainty she said “I’m going to be happy today at kinder and I’m not going to cry when we say goodbye” – one can only imagine how emotional and excited I was to hear this.  Both days that week she did exactly that, I believe she had her breakthrough and she is so excited and proud of herself, she continued to remind me of her success for several days.

Her behaviour change has been consistent from this day on.  “I” is now 6 years old, has started school and much to the amazement of everyone who thought she may have issues again in a new environment, she is elated with school, wants to be there every day (and even at night).

NC