Bed Wetting – 9 year old boy

A single mum was referred to me by a psychologist and presenting with a very unhappy (9 year old) boy suffering bed wetting, anxiety and also coming from a domestic violent family situation. B had started bedwetting when he was 5 which became worse at the age of 7 when their family separated and his father moved out with his new partner. ‘B’ has two brothers, one older, age 12 (mum describing him as very angry with violent outbursts like his father) and the other younger, age 7 (mum describing him as very withdrawn, quiet and anxious). Neither of the other brothers had bedwetting problems. Mum wanted to specifically start working with her 9 year old child, B, to help address the bedwetting straight away. Mum described the family situation as very toxic, creating difficulty in communicating with the boys’ father. Visitation had been granted for the father to see his boys once a fortnight on the weekend. Mum described ‘B’s father has very aggressive towards ‘B’ but not to the other boys and she felt this was probably due to ‘B’ being most like his mother in mannerism and appearance. Mum described the father as aggressive, violent and intimidating; making it very challenging to get the father involved and participate in the Sleep Talk for Children process (we found another way to work around this). The other challenge was that mum noticed whenever the boys returned from their fathers’ place, they would start acting out and their behaviour was out of control (fights, violent outbursts), which took at least 2 days to return to some kind of normality. Mum also described herself as being extremely anxious and hypervigilant but felt it more important to work with her boys first and then she would make steps to help herself.

We commenced the Sleep Talk for Process and within six weeks ‘B’s bedwetting had reduced down significantly by 70% and ‘B’ was demonstrating less levels of anxiety by behaving in a much more relaxed way around people. As we progressed through the Sleep Talk for Children process, it wasn’t until it was 2 months down the track that mum had noticed the older boy was starting to show signs of less aggression. At first this didn’t make sense because she was only working with ‘B’, however, apparently the boys bedrooms were all next to each other and the eldest, we will call him ‘A’ had been listening to mum implement the process through his bedroom wall. It wasn’t until a few weeks later on, ‘A’ approached mum and asked mum if he could do the same thing for him as she was doing for 9 year old ‘B’. This encouraged mum, even though she was exhausted, to start Sleep Talk with ‘A’ the 12 year old and also the youngest, 7 year old boy. As mum progressed through implementing the Sleep Talk for Children process for all boys an incredibly amazing family transformation took place.

The end result; ‘B’ 9 year old boy stopped bedwetting altogether!! B became more confident and settled. While mum was extremely impressed with this, it was actually the 12 year old she was over the moon about because she had not expected his behaviour to turn around and change completely at all from aggressive outbursts to confident, happy pre-teen. Her 12 year old ‘A’ started taking pride in himself, his self-esteem and confidence increased and his behaviour flipped over into a calmer and much more mature outlook. Mum described ‘A’ as feeling much better about himself and being the man of their house. His violent outbursts stopped completely and mum watched him change completely on so many levels. The outcome is one of the most amazing ones I have seen in my time as a Sleep Talk practitioner and to see 3 boys plus a mum turn everything around within 3 months is just one short of a miracle in my book! Everyone in the family is happier and calmer within the family home and within themselves. The youngest became more confident and settled and his anxiety levels reduced. While the fathers’ home environment remained quite toxic, we came up with a helpful strategy to continue the sleep talk process. Mum recorded her voice so the boys could to listen to her voice while they were at their fathers’ place.

Under the current circumstances, the visitation continues to have many challenges and while the boys continued to return from their fathers’ place in a more anxious state to begin with, as time progressed, they were all able to become more self-regulating with their emotions and quickly settled back into mum’s environment without it getting out of hand and at a much more manageable level than ever before.

After all of these outstanding changes mum felt ready to have some hypnotherapy for her own anxiety and hypervigilance. Mum’s changes also impacted on the boys in a very positive way. As mum improved throughout her sessions, this also created an even calmer environment for the entire family. Her boys reacted and responded to mum in a calmer settled way again.

Most importantly, the boys and mum feel much more stability, safety and confidence within themselves in mums’ home, giving them a nice feeling of security.

Nicole Lane – Accredited Consultant

Asthma & Bedwetting

‘L’ is an amazing boy, however his asthma attacks were like monthly and some of them quiet sever ending up in the hospital. All the medication that where used for the attacks made him agitated and sometime the tantrums were huge. The “The Goulding SleepTalk Process” was started in November 2014. From the first night he stopped the bed wetting and was few accident occurring every now and then, he start being calmer and calmer with each day it pass and the asthma attacks was diminished a lot. I have been very amazed with the improvement and the process its done by the book by both parents, as well re-enforced the positive talk during the day.

Accredited Consultant – Dubai 2015 – Amalia Paraschiv


I heard about it from a naturopath called Alessandra Edwards in Melbourne. She recommended it as my 5 yr old has started wetting the bed. I’m 6 weeks pregnant so she felt it could be linked to that and recommended I try sleep talk. I’ve been telling him how much we all love him for the last two nights and we’ve had no accidents. I’m interested to read the book and keep going with it. Cheers, Keelie

SleepTalk Mum – Victoria – Feb 2014

Tantrums / Sibling rivalry / Bed Wetting / Speech /Anger / Confidence & Co-operation

B was 6 years old when Mum commenced SleepTalk® with him. Mum says that B is quite a sensitive boy who relates to nature and enjoys learning about and exploring nature. His older brother J was 16 years old and younger brother A was 2.5 years old at the time. Mum was very interested and motivated to be involved with SleepTalk ® For Children. Mum had concerns with B with several areas; the most prominent being his behaviour, which was often explosive, with yelling, screaming, swearing, kicking and throwing things, and tantrums. B wouldn’t cooperate with Mum when asked to do things (eg packing up the toys before dinner) and became very angry and aggressive quickly. Although B tended to play separately from others, often annoyed his younger brother A, consistently arguing/fighting with him. His older brother didn’t want to play with, B or let B come into his room, and has no patience for him Mum said. B had delayed speech development, which primarily involved enunciation (eg of sounds –  c, f, s, sh, ch), sentence structure, grammar selection (eg l/He/She…. am/was/are). This negatively impacted on B’s communication with others – who often had difficulty understanding what he was trying to say.
B became anxious with changes and new people in his life, sometimes ‘over-reacting’ to these situations, by either crying or becoming overly excited. Although toilet trained now, Mum said that B had no interest in going to the toilet by himself, so at 4 years of age she “really had to make him.” However he was still wearing night nappies (bed wetting).

Mum said that she would also give SleepTalk to A her 2 yo son as well, as he was copying B’s negative behaviour. Spoke with Mum next day who said she felt a bit nervous when giving SleepTalk ® but it all went well.

SleepTalk ® Foundation Process commenced.
Only a week later, Mum was amazed to hear A repeating the script word for word to them (on Mother’s Day!). Within two weeks she could already see some improvement in B’s behaviour, with the aggressive outbursts becoming less frequent each day and B becoming a bit calmer at home. B was listening to her more, and had even stopped and looked at her while she was asking him to pack up the toys one day, which he had never done before. Mum was so amazed that she quickly gave him a cuddle and told him how good he was! Both boys had become more affectionate towards Mum, coming up for no reason and giving her a cuddle, which she loved of course! They were being more affectionate towards dad also.

After the first month of SleepTalk, Mum was very happy to share how much B’s behaviour had improved and the positive effect it had on the whole family – even his older brother had said at the dinner table one night, “I don’t recognise B anymore.” A family day trip which involved quite a bit of driving had been successful Mum reported, without the three boys on the back seat fighting once – “that’s never happened before!”

Second Meeting With Mum.
Vast improvements concerning B’s level of behaviour, confidence, anxiety and happiness were highlighted by Mum who was so happy with the progress that B had made in the previous two months. Generally B remained calm and was dealing with things, with his aggression and anger occurring much less frequently. However these aggressive episodes were more apparent during the previous month when B was suffering from an ear infection. Mum found his behaviour had become more ‘challenging’ again through this time, after being more settled. She was thankful for SleepTalk, to be able to tell him that she loved him when he was quiet at night – and get her through the difficult and stressful times of coping with B’s behaviour each day.

How much B’s level of self confidence and self-esteem had improved became more apparent for Mum when she explained what B was now doing at home. B was cooperating more with Mum, packing up the toys for dinner when asked, often doing so without being asked! Mum said that B wanted to help around the house more, offering to chop up things for meals, setting the table, even got the baked beans out for himself to eat, opened the lid, put them in a saucepan, turned on the hotplate and heated them up – all independently and at 6yo! B had even chosen a new job for himself to do each morning – packing the dried dishes away in the cupboard, and supervised his little brother A to put away the cutlery. He was also sharing and helping his younger brother, playing positively with his older brother who now wanted B’s company and better behaved when in the supermarket. Mum even took the boys on a bus trip to the shops which she said she never would have attempted with B previously due to his behaviour. Mum said that B was more consistent in his behaviour, she could reason with him now and he was more thoughtful and helpful to others.

While B’s behaviour outside the home was not “as silly as before”, being better behaved, he still tended to act silly, as though attention seeking from his friends. Mum said he was never invited to play at his friend’s homes and she thought maybe this could be the reason from their mothers. B’s level of anxiety had reduced when car pooling as he acted calmer, not appearing to be upset by other children’s comments when they couldn’t understand what he was saying. Although Mum was!  B’s sleeping pattern had improved and now went to bed easier when asked, and straight to sleep; sleeping through the night, instead of being awake for quite sometime as previously. However he was still bed wetting.

Mum reported that B was not only more affectionate, but his cuddles, hugs and words of affection were more meaningful and heartfelt. How lovely!

Although Dad had not been taking part in the nightly SleepTalk ® process, he often came to watch and listen to Mum from the doorway of B’s bedroom. He had recognised B’s improved behaviour and level of affection and seemed to be more willing to do things with the boys, eg taking them fishing with him.

Choosing the Primary Area of Need
Three areas of need for B were identified by Mum – his speech, behaviour and toileting (bed wetting). Even though she felt his communication with others, together with his self-confidence, would benefit from improved speech, she explained that as his younger brother had begun to have dry nights and didn’t want to wear night nappies, she believed this was of more importance for B. Whereas before, B was not concerned about wearing a night nappy, she felt that now he wanted not to wet his nappy each night. After discussing what the possible reason/s maybe concerning why B had bed wetting, eg medical, fears, authority figure/s, a specific statement was chosen as the support statement.

By advising Mum that with Dad’s involvement in giving SleepTalk ® to B, not only will it help to accelerate the process, but it will help him with his bed wetting problem.

After only five nights of giving the supporting statement, Mum sms to say that B had his first dry night! Mum was so excited for her son, as well B also – me too!

Confidence, Bedwetting, Lack of respect

Prior to seeing Joane Goulding, both of my sons had individual problems. The 8 year old was very dependant on me and very lacking in confidence. My younger son (5 years of age) had a bed wetting problem, and a complete lack of respect toward the opposite sex.

My mother saw Joane interviewed on television, and after further research, an appointment was made with her. After six months of practicing ‘SleepTalk’ it was obvious to me that this program was working. I have now been practicing ‘SleepTalk’ for two years, and definitely see positive results. I intend to continue ‘SleepTalk’ as I believe that it is a necessary part of my children’s development.

Thank you Joane.

P.C. – Bacchus Marsh 2005

Overcoming Bedwetting

Dr. Eileen Feeny, a psychiatrist, has been working with the Goulding SleepTalk® process for many years and shares this case history:

I was referred a six year old girl who had Nocturnal Enuresis (bed-wetting at night). She had an older brother of eight years who was not experiencing any problems at that time. The longest period of dryness that the child had managed was four and a half weeks whilst her father was in France one year prior to the referral. However, within a week of his return, she was bed-wetting every night. Her mother phoned the Children’s Hospital for advice and was told to take her out of nappies, reduce fluids at night and to toilet her. However, these measures did not work. Therefore, her mother decided to get further help. The other problem the child experienced was night terrors and these may have been an associated or compounding factor in relation to the bed-wetting.

I saw the child with her parents and brother. It was quite apparent how she clung to her mother’s arm during the session. Both parents had problems disciplining her when she made inappropriate demands or interrupted the conversation.

In her individual play session she was highly anxious about leaving her mother in the waiting room and she proved quite difficult to engage in the play therapy initially. She also reacted with temper tantrums when not allowed her own way. I felt that I was fighting a losing battle as her mother also had difficulty separating from the child even briefly and her father was very much on the periphery and hence, not available to help.

I decided to use SleepTalk® for Children as I was not confident that the more traditional “Bell and Pad” method would work. We had tried the more traditional approach but on the first night that the child was woken to go to the toilet, she waited until she was back in bed to wet it. Her mother thought it was cruel to get the child to change the sheets and hence did it for her. I knew we had to try something else.

The SleepTalk® for Children method involved both parents and gave them a sense of control over what happened. The child’s father became more involved and was very enthusiastic about the technique. They went to the child’s room approximately an hour after she went to sleep. The technique was used to connect to the sub-conscious. They got a shock the first time they used the technique because the child sat up and stared straight ahead. They were reassured that this was quite normal and it is important to get her to lie back and to continue in a calm voice. They said the foundation script.

After using the basic process for approximately one week feedback indicated acceptance of the process. We then used the Primary Areas of Need that we had previously agreed upon.

I saw the child with her parents approximately three weeks after they started SleepTalk® for Children. She appeared to be less clingy. Both parents spoke about how the child had been dry for about a week. Both parents actively participated in the SleepTalk®. They were very happy to be so involved in helping their daughter.

I reviewed the progress six weeks later. The child had remained dry. Her father told me that they had used the process to help their daughter concentrate at school, and they were pleased with her progress. I offered to see them again if the need arose.