Children who have been abused
Parent’s personal story received from an accredited consultant.
I am a single mum of 3 very active boys, and I began using sleep talk with my 2 youngest children aged 7 & 10 four months ago. My 13 year old was proving to be more difficult to use the technique on, but I began a modified approach of turning a light on instead of stroking his face about 6 weeks ago, and I have noticed a marked improvement in all my childrens’ behaviour as a result.
My children unfortunately have grown up in a family environment that involved emotional abuse and at times verbal and physical abuse from their father. After 2 &1/2 years post separation, and my children only seeing their father every second weekend, their behaviour was still a copy of their father’s, as they had grown up for many years seeing how he behaved.
They were highly anxious, and pretty much anything could trigger a violent explosion of rage which involved physical abuse to me or their brothers or destruction of property, including holes in walls, doors and a smashed window. They were having massive tantrums that were uncontrollable, and they needed to be physically restrained for them to stop. It was an exhausting cycle for all.
Throughout the post separation, my children all attended regular counselling and my eldest son is seeing a psychologist who specializes in children who are violent to their parents. They were getting a lot of support, but they still communicated on a level where they deliberately ‘baited’ each other, which always ended in some form of abuse between each other, and at times me.
I was finding it extremely difficult to break the cycle of abuse they had learned, and how to teach them to use a new type of communication that involved; respect, thoughtfulness and kindness. My psychologist recommended me to Nicola Lane as my 2 youngest sons were still bed wetting, and she had heard from Nicola that she had successful reports of treating this issue.
When I met Nicola she discussed “The Goulding Process – SleepTalk®” with me. I had never heard of it, but thought if I could reduce the general level of anxiety in our house hold, as well as curing the bed wetting then it was worth a shot.
At first I noticed a slow change in the feel of the household, whilst beginning the process, and I can confidently say that today I have quiet moments in our house where my children are content in their own space, without trying to ‘get a reaction’ from someone.
My children are now able to communicate to me and each other using respectful language and the general ‘angst’ in the household has been significantly reduced.
Whilst my 2 youngest still bed wet, I have noticed that the amount of urine produced over night is significantly less, which is an improvement that I have not had consistently in the past. I am confident that will settle over time, with the continual use of sleep talk.
It’s my eldest son that I have noticed such a marked improvement in, in such a short time. He has a new found general level of respect for me, and follows instructions without a constant barrage of excuses and stalling behaviour. Given his teen age moods are beginning it’s a blessing.
My middle son suffered from high levels of anxiety, which inhibited his learning process at school. His spelling in particular improved, so that within 3 months he had stopped needing special assistance and a lower level of literacy work sheets, he moved up to the same level as the rest of the class, which increased his self-esteem immensely.
I know I have implemented a lot of strategies over the past few years, but it is my firm belief that Sleep Talk has both complemented and hastened the outcome I have been trying so hard to achieve.
I have even gone on to receive hypnotherapy sessions myself, as I recognised that my past trauma was surfacing when my children became abusive, and I wasn’t able to react in a manner that was always the most effective. A lot of time I would simply freeze and/or shut down when my children physically abused me. That no longer happens, and my children now are receiving a different reaction from me when they become abusive.
I find the words in ‘The Goulding Process – SleepTalk®’ to be really comforting to me when I read them to my boys. In the early days when my boys became agitated I would say the first few lines to them and by the 3rd time they would start to relax in my arms. The words were soothing to them and for me using them, to help reduce their personal anguish.
I would highly recommend ‘Sleep Talk’ to any parent. In my opinion it helps a family function in a healthy manner, fostering love between all members and depending on the ‘support statements’ used, it can be a highly effective way to modify beliefs, and accordingly behaviour that stems from those beliefs.
Whilst the process does require commitment from the parent to do it on a regular basis and you do need to keep track of bed times, it is well worth the energy, and you will be rewarded over and over with the resulting change to your children.
Compared to some of the challenges I have dealt with, using The Goulding Process- Sleep Talk has been remarkably easy, and my commitment to it has given my family at times a new found sense of peace, love and calmness, that has been sadly lacking in our lives for a very long time.
Accredited and registered consultant: Nicola Lane – Australia 2012– Nicola Lane – Australia.